Tuesday, March 24, 2015

If you’re not passable, you can still be acceptable

I do not have feminine physical features. I have a big nose that makes my face immediately appear male no matter how much makeup I wear. And I have big hands that give my natural gender away no matter how pretty and girlie I dress. So when I crossdress, I am not passable as a real woman. Whenever I go out in public, people know that I’m a guy dressed in drag. (I think my photographs and videos may make me look better than I look in real life.)

But I don’t care… because although I may not be socially passable as a woman, I am socially acceptable as a crossdresser. What does that mean (besides not getting the crap beat out of you when you walk into a bar)? It means two main things:

1) All the aspects of my appearance are as feminine as I can get them to be, considering the natural, existing features of my face and body.

2) The way I behave in public is not offensive to the average person, or at least I try not to be offensive.

Let me explain each of these points…


Appearance

I envy young M2F transgenders who still have enough of their androgynous looks to pass as genetic females. I’ve crossdressed since I was about 13, but I did not start going out in public until I was what would be considered “middle aged.” By then, the testosterone had done fairly significant damage. But I do the best I can…

Perhaps most importantly, I keep my weight down. I have a naturally slender physique, with rather skinny, nonmuscular arms and (I can proudly say) rather sexy, shapely legs. Still, I have to watch my diet to avoid getting a little potbelly, which would totally destroy the whole point of wearing a sexy, slinky dress. I hate to exercise or work out, and, although I am thin, my muscles are not particularly tight.

Shapewear
So when I crossdress, I wear a tight waist cincher under my clothes to draw in and tighten my belly as much as possible. You can buy that kind of shapewear in the lingerie departments of various stores. I bought mine at Walmart.

Of course, you also have to wear a convincing set of boobs under your clothes. I wear a mastectomy bra—the kind of bra worn by women who have had their breasts removed because of cancer. It’s a bra with pockets in which you insert breast-shaped foam or other inserts. They’re fairly inexpensive. I bought mine online. When I wear my mastectomy bra, my breasts are very full and natural looking, and they have just the right firmness to be natural feeling.

A lot of Tgirls wear padded panties or pantie inserts to accentuate their butt and/or hips. I have these, but I don’t like to wear them. Padded panties make me feel weird and uncomfortable when I sit, and I often get the sensation that they are slipping downward and out of place. Needless to say, having your ass slip down your legs in public could be potentially embarrassing. Furthermore, the more things you wear around your private parts, the more difficult it is to go to the bathroom. (It’s more than enough trouble that I usually have to wear two or three regular panties to absorb the precum that I tend to produce as a result of the sexual excitement I feel from crossdressing.) So I don’t think padded panties are worth the trouble. Most people are going to be looking at your face, boobs, and legs anyway—not your ass.

Legs
Speaking of legs, I hardly ever crossdress without pantyhose or thigh-high nylons if I’m wearing a dress or skirt. Even if I’m wearing skinny jeans or other women’s pants, I wear knee-highs. Legs–no matter how much you show of them—always look pretty, sexier, and more feminine with hosiery. My favorite sheer hosiery is off black or black, because I think those colors are more of a sexual, fetish turn-on (both for me and for guys who see me). But sheer nude or suntan hosiery looks better with some outfits. And fishnets are the choice if you’re feeling especially naughty. Besides making my legs look better, pantyhose and nylons make me feel sooo feminine!

Still other choices for legwear are patterned leggings or opaque tights, depending on your fashion ensemble. That’s the best, most fun thing about being a woman (or a crossdresser)—you have such a wide variety of choices of sexy, exciting styles to wear! And women’s clothes are indeed exciting… OMG, how I love them!

Dresses, skirts, leggings, and heels
As far as your main outfit goes, your choices are virtually infinite when it comes to women’s clothes. Just thinking about the many options makes me feel happy and excited—minidresses, maxidresses, short tight skirts, long flowy skirts, low-cut tops, frilly tops, tunics, pumps, boots, and other high heels ranging from 3 inches (my minimum) to 7 inches (pretty much my maximum). I hardly ever wear flats. Oh my, the choices are so dizzying and intoxicating!

Whatever type of shoes you get, make sure that they are the right size. I have very big and wide feet, so I sometimes have to look a little harder to find my size. But stores seem to be carrying larger shoes for women these days. (Either women are getting bigger, or the stores are catering to their tranny customers.) Even Payless commonly carries up to size 13. That’s even too big for me! If you wear the right size, walking in very high heels is very easy.

What you choose to wear depends on where you plan on going and what your purpose of going there is. My favorite places to go are regular straight bars and regular female strip clubs. I love turning on “straight” guys at the bars, and I love pretending I’m “one of the girls” at the strip clubs. (More about that later.)

So I tend to dress in the slutty category—tight miniskirts, tight low-cut tops, and sky-high stiletto heels (usually purchased at Lovers Lane, where all the best strippers shops). Although my appearance might initially be shocking to many people, and lots of trannies would probably not have the guts to dress the way I do in public, I have had essentially no bad or unpleasant experiences (other than the time I got beat up by the cops, which you can read about in my book). And most of the places I go are in lower middle-class suburban areas—NOT downtown Chicago, New York City, or San Francisco. Still, I am accepted in these places and treated with respect—probably mainly because of my behavior. (See more below.)

Needless to say, I don’t always dress like a slut. If I’m going to a fancy restaurant, I’ll wear a nice classy dress. If I’m going to a very fancy party, I might wear a full-length gown. If I’m meeting business clients, I’ll probably wear a respectable pencil skirt, blouse, and women’s suit jacket. If the setting is more informal, I might wear skinny jeans, leggings, or a maxidress. Whatever it is, just try to match your outfit to your setting and your purpose. (And always remember how damn lucky you are to be a transvestite!)

Jewelry
I used to wear a lot of jewelry—necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, pins (most of it inexpensive). But I eventually concluded that all that cheap bling made me look older. Look around next time you go out—most young women wear very little, if any, jewelry. So now I usually just wear big bracelets (which make my hands look smaller) and two or three rings at the most. I wear a necklace only if the outfit really calls for it. I don’t wear earrings often—mainly because I don’t like the way they feel, and I usually wear long wigs that cover my ears anyway.

Fashion trends
Regarding all matters related to clothes, it is important to pay attention to women’s fashion trends. You can get great ideas on ways to combine the various pieces of your ensemble, as well as how to hold and carry your body in a feminine way, from fashion magazines, websites, and blogs, and even from watching the models on home shopping television channels, like HSN or QVC.

Skin and shaving
Wearing a nice outfit is by no means the only important aspect of publicly presenting yourself as a woman. Perhaps even more important than your clothes is the cosmetic appearance of your body—the way you treat your skin and apply your makeup.

Let’s start with the skin. For women, attractive skin is much more important than it is for men—because women typically show a lot more skin as a result of the revealing clothing they wear. So—if you want to be treated like a woman—please shave those hairy arms and legs and that hairy chest! I can’t believe how many crossdressers neglect these basic aspects of their appearance! (I hope I don’t have to remind you to give your face and neck a good close shave.)

Maybe you can’t shave your arms, legs, or chest because you would have a difficult time explaining your suddenly bare skin to spouses or other people. If that’s the case, then just wear long sleeves, leggings, skinny jeans, high-cut tops, or other clothing that covers the skin. There are many women’s clothes that are pretty and feminine and still cover lots of skin.

At a minimum, you need to shave any parts of your skin that your clothes do not cover. But if there is any possibility of you getting naked—such as when you take that handsome tranny admirer home with you—you better shave your entire body, including your underarms, stomach, back, and butt. And either shave or trim that long curly pubic hair so that the guy doesn’t get grossed out by what he thought was a feminine tranny.

The key thing is that you want your body to be as soft, smooth, and feminine as you can possibly make it. If you’re not taking female hormones (and I do not), then this requires a lot of extra effort. In fact, it is my least favorite thing about being a crossdresser. The use of liberal amounts of body lotion helps.

Makeup, nails, wigs, etc
I’m not sure if my favorite thing about being a crossdresser is the clothes or the makeup. I love makeup so much—especially looking at my reflection in the mirror as my face turns from male to female. Here is the makeup and other finishing touches that I usually wear:

- I wear CoverGirl Ultimate Finish liquid powder makeup, as a foundation to cover all the flaws and follicles. I naturally have blonde and grey hair, so this works perfectly to cover my beard follicles. If you naturally have darker beard hair, you might need a special concealer. But I doubt it. That CG Ultimate Finish does a pretty thorough job. Be sure to apply the makeup to cover the beard on your neck as well as your face.

- On top of the liquid powder, I apply CoverGirl pressed powder, which further smooths out the complexion, covers the imperfections, and gets rid of the shine. The tone of this pressed powder should match that of the liquid powder. Be sure you select a tone that matches your natural skin color as closely as possible. (You don’t want your face to be a different color than your chest!) This may take a little trial and error.

- I like to wear the darkest lipstick I can find. Dark lips are sexy lips. Dark lips are enticing lips. Dark lips are exciting lips. I usually go with colors like Loreal’s Spice. But it’s a good idea to have lip colors in several different shades so that you can match the shades to the colors of different outfits.

- I stay away from rouge, because it’s too easy to overdo this and end up looking like a clown. But if I feel a need to accentuate my cheekbones, I might touch the lipstick to my skin and then smooth it out at an angle with my fingers and blend it into my powder.

- For me, the most important makeup is the eye makeup. Many of my genetic female friends tell me that I wear too much eye makeup. But they are wrong, because they’re applying their female standards to a crossdresser—and crossdressers generally have different requirements than real women. In my case, I believe that heavy black eye makeup draws attention away from my big male nose. Sure, up close and in daylight, it might look a bit excessive. And I do try to tone it down during the daytime. But most of my crossdressing outings are at night in dark bars, and my dark, dramatic eye makeup is absolutely perfect for that setting…

I wear black mascara, black liquid eyeliner (top and bottom, and tapered upward on the sides for about a quarter inch), and black eyeshadow on the lids. I sometimes add lighter eyeshadow beneath my brows. I wear false lashes only for special occasions, because I find them to be a pain to put on. I never wear eyebrow pencil, because I think it usually has an old and phony look. Instead, I trim the hair of my brows with scissors and a razor to make them as thin and tapered as possible. But be careful not to totally cut them off! Most of the wigs I wear have long bangs than cover my brows anyway.

- I dislike false nails as much as I dislike false lashes. Both are a pain. I also don’t much like colored nail polish. But a tranny does need nice shiny nails, so I usually apply clear shiny polish after I trim and file my nails to attractive shapes. Your nails do not have to be very long to look feminine and pretty.

- God, how I love my wigs! I have long and short wigs, wavy and straight wigs, and wigs that are brunette, blonde, black, red, pink, and purple. Most people tell me that I look best as a brunette. So that’s my usual look. But I must be a slutty blonde sometimes! It’s a good idea to have wigs of different styles, lengths, and colors so you have options for whatever mood you might be in when you go out.

The main thing for me with wigs is that I have a big head, so when I buy a wig, I have to make sure it has a large cap. If I wear a regular-cap wig, I might get a headache from it—or an unsightly red line across the top of my forehead.

- Finally, don’t forget to apply a bit of feminine, girlie perfume before you step out the door for your exciting evening. But don’t put on too much, or you’ll make people sick!


Behavior

The way you behave when you go out is just as important as the way you look, if you want to be socially accepted among “regular” folks. Some outrageous behaviors might be accepted in certain tranny or gay bars. For example, I’ve come as close as one can come to having sexual intercourse with men (without actual penetration) right in the middle of gay bars. However, it goes without saying that such behavior will probably get you arrested, beat up, or killed in regular straight bars.

Bars and strip clubs
When I first started going out in drag, I used to go mainly to gay bars because I felt safer in such places. But I soon became bored there. Most of the guys thought of me as a woman, and they showed no interest in me. So I started going more often to straight bars, where I’ve noticed a pattern: guys who are interested in me come up to me and say something like, “you know, I’m straight, I’m married (or I have a girlfriend), and I’ve never been with a guy before. But I’m kind of curious, and I find you very attractive….” If I like the guy, I take him home, or I go to his home, and we have sex. Most of the guys I’ve had sex with are self-professed “straight” guys that I’ve met in straight bars or clubs.

The other main type of place I go is strip clubs—regular strip clubs with real, genetic female strippers. (I’ve never been to a gay/guy strip club, and I have no desire to do so.) I go to strip clubs because I love women’s bodies, and I love looking at women’s bodies, and I just love women! Guys may be attracted to me, and I enjoy having sex with them because it makes me feel like a woman. But I am sexually attracted primarily to women—specifically young sexy women. I am sexually attracted to sexy women at the same time that I want to be a sexy woman…

So when I go to a strip club, I usually try to dress like a stripper and/or hooker, and I like to pretend that I’m one of the working girls. (And, yes, I have been asked for lap dances by some guys.) I’m in girlie-girl, female, estrogen heaven when I’m talking with the girls, getting lap dances from them, or doing other fun things with them in the high-priced “VIP room”—all while I’m wearing my fishnet nylons, stiletto heels, tight minidress, big boobs, elaborate makeup, and crazy wigs. The dancers and waitresses love me, and the bouncers and bartenders treat me with respect.

Why? Why am I treated with acceptance, kindness, friendliness, respect, and even desire at these types of places where trannies normally do not tread? Why am I not treated rudely, insulted, and beat up instead?

Mutual respect
I believe I am accepted and treated with respect by these people who are not used to seeing trannies because I treat them with respect. I do not force myself on them. I am not pushy or aggressive or “in your face.” And I’m certainly not there to prompt any kind of confrontation as a way of claiming “my rights.” I’m just there to have a bit of fun while trying not to cause any trouble.

When I’m at the bar, club, or whatever the establishment is, I tend to keep to myself unless people come up to me—and people inevitably do come up to me, to talk, to ask questions, or to flirt. So I let other people approach me whenever they feel comfortable doing so.

Before I go to a new place, I usually phone them ahead of time to ask if they are OK with a crossdresser visiting their establishment. Almost all places say they are OK with it, and many even offer encouragement to come. Remember that I live in a lower middle-class, blue-collar area—the kind of area that many “enlightened” people like to think is intolerant and ignorant and backward. Well, those people are wrong. People anywhere will accept you if you meet them on their own terms. At least, that is my experience.

If I don’t phone a place ahead of time, I usually walk into the place with a bit of caution. I pause at the entrance and look around, trying to get a sense of the place. If I get an uncomfortable sense—like I did one time at a rock club—I’ll walk out and never go back. But if I get a comfortable sense, I’ll proceed into the place in all my high-heeled confidence. If there’s a greeter, I’ll ask him or her if they are OK with me visiting. And I’ll respect whatever answer they give me. I think I’ve been told I was unwelcome at only one or two places.

My libertarian philosophy
If I am told—or if I sense—that I am unwelcomed at a certain establishment, I will not go to that place or I will immediately leave should I already be there. I have no problem with that. I’m not going to rant and rave, I’m not going to organize a protest, and I’m not going to call my congressman to demand some new antidiscrimination law. That kind of stuff is BS.

Politically, I’m a libertarian—not a liberal, and not a conservative. A liberal is the kind of person who would demand that Congress pass a law requiring all private businesses to let in trannies (and anybody else the business might object to). A conservative is the kind of person who might want a law banning trannies from visiting certain businesses.

By contrast, a libertarian—like me—leaves the decision up to the property owner, not the government. I respect property rights. Whoever owns the business has the right to decide the kind of people that are welcomed in that business—and the kind that are not welcomed. If you respect that basic right of property owners, then there should be no problems and no reason to run crying for government protection. If the property owner is OK with you, great! If not, then just take your business elsewhere. It is their loss, not yours. This libertarian perspective will help ensure that you are always accepted whenever you go out. (Rand Paul for president!)

Bathrooms
Another issue that will inevitably come up when you’re out crossdressed at a bar, club, restaurant, or any other public place is this: which bathroom should you use? Frankly, I believe that transvestites/crossdressers, like me, should not use women’s bathrooms, because we’re not really women. We’re just guys who get our kicks by dressing like women. By contrast, I believe that true transsexuals—no matter if they are pre-op, non-op, or post-op—should use women’s bathrooms, because they really think of themselves as women (regardless of their anatomy). However, things get more complicated because lots of guys will feel uncomfortable sharing the public restroom with a guy in a dress, and lots of women will feel uncomfortable sharing the restroom with what they see as a guy in a dress.

So what is a guy in a dress to do? This seemingly complicated problem has a simple solution if you, once again, respect property rights. Simply ask the owner, manager, or closest employee which bathroom they prefer you to use. Then respect and obey their wish.

Go out, be smart, have fun
Many crossdressers/transvestites are afraid to go out in public because they fear they will not pass and not be accepted. I urge you to conquer your fears and work up the courage to go out! Go out wherever and whenever you want to go out (but I suggest you follow my above suggestions). The best times of my life are the times when I’m dressed like a woman in public. My fun, happy, and sometimes crazy memories of these outings will bring me joy forever! And there are more fun tranny times in the future for me…

The main thing to remember is to use your common sense in the way you dress and the way you act. If you pass, congratulations! If you don’t pass, then strive to be accepted. Respect others, and they will respect you.

Just remember to use some of those brain cells inside your pretty head, and you will have a lot of fun! After all, the whole point of crossdressing is to have fun!



This video shows me out and about in various outfits and looks…



Jessica Sayyida is the author of My Transvestite Addictions—The Story of One Individual’s Odyssey Through Crossdressing, Alcohol, Escorts, Strippers, Sex, and Money
(ISBN: 978-1-62646-325-7), published under the name of Jack/Jacquelina A. Shelia, by BookLocker.com.
http://jacquelinaashelia.yolasite.com

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